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Mar 10, 2005
In the middle of computer class. so bored....we're not allowed to play games so i cant do ANYTHING. havent blogged in a while i guess...so here goes.
two weeks ago, i was really confused. i didnt know what i wanted. i didnt know who to trust or who to talk to. i forgot about things that mattered. but i guess after a while, something inside me just snapped and i had to talk to somebody.
Thank God for Ther! i don't know what i would've done without her. i guess it's true what people say sometimes, that you find help in the most unexpected places. Ther is someone i haven't seen in about a year now, and she still treats me so nicely. Love her too!!!
the lesson learned from this mess: i have to find myself before trying to find other people. doesnt make sense? well....good. to anyone else it shouldn't. all that matters now is that im happy, and ive got everything sorted out. even though my life isnt perfect, i still love it. coz if i weren't me, maybe i wouldnt know all the great people i do. and for that, i have only God to thank. ;)
Posted at 02:13 pm by SexyLexi
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Feb 25, 2005
Today was indifferent.
once again, i lied to my parents just so i could go to town. i dont get why they have to be so protective of me. in about three years, im going to have to go to the mall all alone on a regular basis just so i can do my own grocery shopping. im not ready for the real world yet! and my parents aren't helping by keeping me all sheltered in this little life of mine.
what i lack is exposure.
maybe it's because im so tiny, they still treat me like im eight. "no going to the mall without an adult..." im the only person in my grade who has to abide by this stupid rule!! whatever. since they still think im an eight-year-old, they assume i have the innocence of one. bullshit. i can get away with murder. that's the advantage of having parents who believe you have the brains of Jessica Simpson.
i went with Rhian to meet another one of the many guys she knows. this time it was a 24-year-old named TJ. "Mom, im going to town with Rhian. Her cousin Steph will be with us. she's 24..." haha, AS IF.
stayed with enzo and ryan. after a while arantxa joined us because she said she didn't want to watch pao and becca...whatever. it didn't matter to me. i love arantxa. she's there both when you need to have fun, and when shit happens.
i remember that time in Ice (it seems so long ago!) during that Spanish Night thing in Greenbelt. i had like 3 glasses of sangria, a shot of tequila and a screwdriver. haha...fun night. we started dancing and pretty soon the whole bar was on their feet. that's what happens when you go for a night on the town with the Laraurri's... hahaha. arantxa took good care of me...gotta love bitches like that.
Posted at 08:51 pm by SexyLexi
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Feb 24, 2005
im really bored and im really confused.
sometimes in life, i just dont know what to think anymore. there are those periods in time where you feel nothing...happiness, sadness, anger...none of that exists to you. maybe that's angst. it's like section G's presentation for the groudecon a while ago: "I was nothing..." it went on like that. i can relate.
sometimes i just feel like nobody cares anymore. thinking about it, there's really no one left to talk to. miel...it seems like she's never there when i want to talk to her, and she's still waiting for me to say something about the whole Him thing. it's as if she won't talk about anything else until i get that off my chest. but what does she expect me to tell her? there's really nothing to say anyway... isha...sure, i can tell her stuff about my problems, but when i talk to her i feel as if i get no compassion back. i can see her on the other end of a telephone nodding her head. she loves knowing things but doesn't exactly help you out of a situation. i can always talk to cheska though. that girl misses me...hell i miss her too. she was there from the start, i just didn't really notice. i've been too busy being caught up in all these superficial things that attract us in the world that i've forgotten what's important in life. and as a result, im not really all that happy. i'm losing touch with some of the greatest people i have ever met. i miss miel! i miss being able to talk to her! and the only thing i can do now is work to keep myself occupied.
sometimes, i just want to escape from the world. i want to run away from everything, and just find myself. but i dont even really know where to start looking. im surrounded by all these people who know exactly what they want in life, and are so sure and so content...and that just wracks at my nerves. i dont know where im going in life, all i know is that i need to find myself...
what happened to the person i was while i was still studying in woodrose? thart happy-go-lucky, look-on-the-bright-side girl who helped everybody out all the time? im not really sure. i just hope that the day will come when she returns to her rightful place somewhere inside of me. then i can just get on with my life, and be with the people that i want to be with again.
Posted at 11:21 pm by SexyLexi
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Feb 13, 2005
i just overheard my maids talking downstairs. we have a new one, Chary, i think her name is. she was the one talking at first.
" 'Musta ka na? sabi ni Anna.' " she was readind a text message.
"Sino si Anna?" it was Daisy talking then.
"Anak ko."
it'w weird how small things like that can make me think. how sad would it be to be unfortunate enough to be born into a family where your mother had to work for months at a time? what would it be like to go that long without seeing her? the number of poor people in the world, especially in this country, is vastly larger than that of the well off. it just made me realize that i am so lucky. it also makes me wonder how God chooses the souls that are to go into each body, and each situation. guess i'd better be more deserving of and grateful of my life then.
Posted at 10:38 am by SexyLexi
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Feb 10, 2005
ouch...i got my first ever soccer injury today. t'was kind of funny how it happened. still, it's more bloody painful! tsss...anyways. Coach T made us dribble the ball across the field. someone crashed into Yvette, who then crashed into me, sent me sprawling...and now here i am, in a very painful situation. My arm has to be in this sling for at least a week.
downsides:
-it really really hurts.
-i don't know how im going to be able to take down notes. my left hand writing sucks ass.
-eating is very hard.
-so is dressing up.
-but taking a bath is just pure hell.
-i still have to hammer that THE proj...the question is how?
-i might miss the festival!!!!
upsides:
-i dont have to got to practice for an entire week.
-not being able to write gives me an excuse to not do lots of things...hmm...
-i get pity from my parents!! haha...
-people carry stuff for me.
verdict:
there are still a ton more downsides then up. but im not going to let this arm thing get me down. tss...did Helen Keller let being blind and deaf stop her from living the life? hella no, and that was for life. i only have to put up with this for a week. oh, and this injury proves my dream precognition skills are getting better and better. oh yeah...haha
Posted at 07:30 pm by SexyLexi
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